You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2015.

I am trying to think about the values listed and discussed in Alan Morinis’s book, Everyday Holiness.  Today, I am feeling what my tug between two of the values–Order and Equanimity.

the pull to order is strong
I want to feel in control,
to feel like I can order my world
to have a place to make, think, do
without the noise, the frustrations, the interruptions

but my reality is just that:
real, outside of true control
outside the solitary sense of what I think order ought to be

Instead, I share living space with loved ones
who do not share my sense of order
so instead of order, perhaps what I really need is equanimity
a sense of calm, a seeking of balance, a turning toward self-order

I can’t keep being pulled by outside forces
yet I can’t expect others to remake themselves
as I would like them to be

So I breathe, and hope that I will find a way
to stop tugging and begin skipping rope
toward a more balanced calm.

I am having difficulty with being a patient person. I have historically been able to wait for things–I have been exceptionally adept at jumping through hoops in my academic and professional life. But parenting mostly adult children is something that my life has inadequately prepared me for.

I spent much of my professional career teaching college age students, so I never really expected that dealing with my 21-year old son and his boomerang back into our lives would affect my ability to be patient as strongly as it has.

Shut in a jar
the words bounce and echo
again and again we hear the same lines
the same comments
the same rationalizations

And from my mouth
my voice
drips with barely controlled anger
equally repetitive words

Daily we shake the jar
rattle the words around
recombine them in new and hurtful ways
until bruised and battered

I need patience
to examine that which is imprisoning us
to solicit help
to explore how to uncap the jar
and release us

Patience to find new words
a new interaction
a new beginning

(c) Lydia A. Schultz 2015

I actually first wrote this almost 2 years ago, but it still sounds true today.

Today I am grateful for:

the melting snow
the return of chirping birds
a safe, warm, comfortable home
healthy children and husband
jobs that want me to work for them
the dance of the geranium’s leaves in the rising air from the radiator
the conversation of nature outside my kitchen window
a world of ideas to explore and examine
the boughs of the pine tree gently swaying in the breeze
the milky grey light as the morning begins
the calm of a new day

(c) Lydia A. Schultz 2015